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I write this page as a newly widowed woman.
My life is starting all over again
For all the smiles on my face you would never know what kind of life I have led. After two marriages and coming to Christ at age 41, I earnestly asked the Lord for a man who would love me. That man was Clarence Barger, a Karuk Indian. We lived in Mississippi and then moved to California. Clarence could fix anything unless it was a satellite dish that was not made for the service purchased! I was asleep one day and I suppose he didn't want to wake me. I found out later he drove himself to the emergency room. He was healthy at 78 but only lasted 2 more weeks. We were so fortunate in that the family jumped in to help and the night before he died we had a long talk in the middle of the night. Both of us are/were born again Christians attending the local Seventh Day Adventist Church. We know that physical death may part us for a while but never from our Saviour so we know we will see each other again.
It was so crazy after he died. I found out quickly what I would have to live on financially and I had to move for more than one reason. I am not Karuk and we were in Karuk housing without owning. I no longer could afford the rent. My family helped me move pronto into low income housing in a beautiful setting. I was so overwhelmed I just got down on my knees and gave it to the Lord. By that I mean I just told the Lord all the things that had to be done, my inability stamina-wise and emotionally to get it done, and letting me know he had to carry me now. He did.
After the viewing we all went to Roundtable Pizza for food and just getting together for support. In walked Beth from our Saturday< night Bible study. The viewing time was shortened an hour so she misssed it but she asked where we went and followed. As time went on I suddenly felt the first twinge that I would now have to live alone. I said it aloud. Beth said, "If you want company, I can stay with you Saturday and Sunday night." She came and we spent the Saturday Sabbath talking totally at ease. On Sunday my family helped me move. Sunday evening everyone had left and we were tired and hungry so we went to Grandma's House, a restaurant by I5. Beth raised her arms up high and thanked the Lord loudly and often for having gotten me moved in 9 days and it was done. We ordered carefully as each of us had $10. We weren't aware of anything but a couple sitting next to us paid for our meal including desert and tip. We found that out when we refused desert! So we had ice cream and pie! It was such a sweet thing to do, totally lifting our tired spirits to remember that life is good. Beth said, "Must have been Joyce Meyer types!" (Joyce Meyer types ask God to show them who to bless and they keep their eyes open. Why? Because God is so good and other people need to know that and we need to give as God gives, freely and indiscriminantly.)
Now I want to go back in life a bit so you understand why it is so important to forgive and to turn things over to God. It's the only way to be happy and not have the weight of what people have done to you on your shoulders for the rest of your life!
I am a mom with 3 children. My youngest was kidnapped by a young man. My daughter was only 10 years old. She was on a swim team at this time, and had to go less than a half mile to the pool where she practiced five days a week.
On her way home she was stopped by a man who was asking for directions. She at that time was riding her bike. She tried to give this man the directions he needed but he stuck his finger in her back and demanded that she get into his car. He drove off with her and proceeded to go into the next county.
At this time it was late in the afternoon. I was getting concerned about her so I called the public pool for they had "free swim" after practice. She arrived home as if she had been at the pool for the free swim. She told me not to talk as she wrote down this young man's car license number of a piece of paper. I immediately called the police and approximately 5 minutes later he was stopped.
She just felt as if she needed a shower. The police told me to get her out of the shower, get dressed, so she could identify this young man. They had stopped the right person and he was arrested.
He had intended to kill her but she talked him into taking her back to where her bicycle was left. He wanted to take her home but she refused. He did take her back to where her bike was.
She was taken to a doctor where they found she had been molested. She went to a child advocate for counseling.
She turned very angry after this. I myself was mad at this young man. I had just started going to church. I had just accepted the Lord as my Savior. I had just learned that I had to forgive this young man so that the burden of carrying him around in my thoughts and my soul so my whole life would not become negative and the anger just grow.
It didn't come easy but I asked the Lord to help me forgive him. The Lord with my prayers helped me to let God take care of this matter and soon I felt relieved from the burdens of this man. I kept praying for him to receive help for his problems. Today I don't know where he is.
My daughter to this day has not forgiven him. She is fearful of everything and has a hard time with relationships with a man. She will not give it all to Christ to take care of her burden of her molester. She will never forget even if she forgives him, but God can take the hurts and the pain as well as the burdens away. Life is easier if we all take God's yoke and find peace.
I hope you find this helpful in forgiving, healing, and resting in our Lord.
Last Updated: 01/23/2015